I am ENOUGH

This may be my most real post yet. I have been really proud to share my honest thoughts and opinions and the reality of what life is like raising kids and attempting to stay balanced. Yet, I don't know if I have been 100% truthful with what life has really been like recently. And although it scares the shit out of me to be REAL, RAW, HONEST and OPEN about my life sometimes. This is what I am about do. (deep breath)

Lately, I have felt broken and worthless.

There. I said it. And I'm not sure it makes me feel better yet. But it's real. And that's a start.

I have a history of depression...real, dirty, grungy, almost suicidal depression. I don't like talking about it but it's part of my past. It's part of me. I haven't felt these feelings in a long time. Not the way I am dealing with them now. But as I start to process this stuff, I felt I had to share it so other moms, and women in general, can know they are not alone.

I started Raising Small Humans because I want to help moms get through the things I struggle with. I feel better when I am helping others, cheering them on, pushing them forward. I always have. It makes my inner demons quieter. But it doesn't take away the reality that I have them. And most people do.

But Raising Small Humans has taken more time to launch than I thought (or maybe I wasn't in reality about what it would take). I haven't been super clear on exactly what I am doing, or what the vision is for this project. I haven't put in the time required to really get something like this of the ground. But all of those setbacks have led me to feel this worthless and brokenness. It created space for thoughts that are unkind and, more importantly, not true.

" I can't do this."

" I am worthless"

"This will never happen."

"I am a failure."

My demons are like many women's I think. They rear their ugly heads and if we don't have the tools to squash them, we believe every word they say. They tell us we can't acheive the goals we have. That we are too big, or too little; too tall or too short. That we aren't smart enough, or old enough or young enough, or strong enough. Our demons thrive on us believing we aren't ENOUGH. That I am not enough.

The funny thing is I KNOW deep down in my heart of hearts that this isn't true. I am enough. I am worth something. I can do this. So why do these demons get to run the show?! Because feeling like we aren't ENOUGH is scary and it freezes you in your tracks. We are stuck, and once you get stuck, it can be so hard to move forward again.

It can be scary to break free and fight for what it's rightfully yours; you are worth something...and you are enough. You have to find what unsticks you, and cling to it dearly.

So because of this, each day, I will share my happy moment for the day. I will share my "I am enough" moment for the day, even when it is hard. To get unstuck, I will be starting my #100happydays posts on Raising Small Humans Instagram page. One of the best quotes I've read recently is "Not every day is a good day, but there is something good in every day." This is my attempt at getting unstuck and reaffirming that I am enough.

I didn't write this post today to share some infinite wisdom about how to remedy these demons. But what I did want to share was a real piece of me, and being that open and honest about your struggles can be hard.

You bring something amazing to the table, as do I.

I want to let you know that you are ENOUGH, just as I am enough.

Follow me on Instagram as I remind myself and others "I AM ENOUGH" and bring the happy back!